Tribute to the Ukrainian Job (story)


"The one and only," Vlad took a bow.

Dmitri stood up and rubbed his eyes, walking towards the glass. "But... you are supposed to be in jail!"

"You would think that, wouldn't you? Seeing as you put me there, huh?" Vlad accused.

"Listen - it was just business - I didn't have a choice but to inform on you - I fully intended to see to your release!" Dmitri stammered.

"And my sister had nothing to do with it?"

"Well, I - uh.."

"LOYALTY, my dear Dmitri. LOYALTY," Vlad preached. "Like laughter, honesty, generosity, and kindness, it is something we should all practice more of."

"Next saved message - click" the monotone female continued.

"DMITRI! Where are you! There are people here - they're trying to take things from the house to cover payments! What have you done to our finances? I can't believe I was going to marry you, thank goodness for our pre-nups - CALL ME NOW!"

Dmitri hung his head, covering his face with his hands. "I'm so sorry, Vlad! I didn't - this wasn't supposed to be like-"

"Cease your drivel," Vlad interrupted coldly. "Look at you... pitiful. Believe it or not, I feel horribly sorry for you, Dmitri."

"R-Really?" Dmitri piped up hopefully.

"Certainly. I have cried many salty tears for you, as you will know soon enough," Vlad answered cryptically.

"I uhhh... thanks?"

"Do not thank me," Vlad spoke simply.

"But - I don't understand!" Dmitri cried. "What do you - hey?" He stopped his question as he felt a trickle of liquid douse his messy hair. He leapt back, where he witnessed a thin stream of water flowing from the ceiling. The minute amount that landed on him had trickled past his nose and onto his lips. He felt the tang similar to when he swam in the ocean - salt.

"Many, many, MANY salty tears," Vlad reiterated, a broad grin lighting up his countenance.

Behind him, Dmitri heard the telltale smack of liquid colliding with the concrete. He turned and saw yet another stream flowing from the ceiling. This one was thicker, flowing faster than the one that had landed on him. It formed a small puddle next to the remnants of the chair that he had awoke in. The puddle grew larger and larger. Then, it occurred to him.

"Vlad? Vlad? Where is this water going to go?" Dmitri panicked, scanning the floor for a drain of some sort.

Vlad's grin grew even larger, if at all such a thing was possible. "That is a very good question, isn't it? Up to the ceiling, I suppose. On the rise like a Sputnik!"

"But Vlad - what about me? You can't be serious!" came the frantic utterances from Dmitri.

The smile vanished from Vlad's face. "Oh, but I am. Let this be a lesson to everyone... nobody messes with Vlad. Nobody!"

Dmitri slapped the glass cage in front of him, trying to knock sense into Vlad through it.

"No! This is... this is complete OVERKILL!"

"Next saved message - click," the voicemail prattled on.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? You are the most useless excuse for a man I've ever met! I'd sue you if you were worth suing - stop running from your wife, and come own up to whatever it is you did to ruin my life!"

Vlad pivoted, and walked away from the cell into the jungle of shelves and tiaras, ignoring the pleas from Dmitri.

"OVERKILL? I hardly think so," he said with relish as the lights in the room began to dissipate.

"For me... this is PAYDAY."

  • Story by me, characters by Overkill software
/r/paydaytheheist Thread