If you ever need someone to talk to or if you are about to do something bad then you can always send me a pm or please tell someone about how you feel. I've tried to kill myself multiple times when I was younger and drove almost every friend away and I still to this day don't know my reason for doing it.

When I started to feel little bit better I fucked up and started abusing alcohol and amphetamines which made it all worse and lost my few friends I grew up with because I had 0 emotions and used them for my own gain which I really hated myself for doing. Yet there was 1 friend that didnt leave me (even if I was a shit friend), she alone made me quit alcohol and amphetamines (started taking opiate tho, but that drug didnt made me fucked up in the head and reduced the urge to start drinking and snorting again) and I started to enjoy life.

What Im trying to say is that sometimes it just take 1 single person to change your whole life, don't give up, there are amazing people out there. Depression can make you really cold inside, a lot of people think depression is when you are sad, but its when you feel very little. Have you tried different medications? Therapy? Its hard to get started to seek help but its worth trying.