No one is the villain or hero in your story, but this is exactly why people cheat.

Put yourself in her shoes. She knew you were coming home soon, so she went to the closet, picked out something that made her feel sexy, and excitedly (or desperately) put it on and waited for you to come home and see her in it. What could have been going through her mind for the 15 or 20 minutes she sat their in her favorite lingerie? Will he like it? Does he still find me sexy?

I'm not pretending to know your wife or your relationship better than you do, but I was once in a loveless marriage, and I can tell you that you're going to regret it if you don't change something. I'd come home from my high-stress job and I'd immediately start the laundry and work on food and get a TV show going and make sure I had a scotch in my hand and find random things in the house to clean and...hell, there were times my ex-wife would be in the bedroom naked, waiting for me to come home and ravage her. I'd walk right past her, change into my night clothes, and completely ignore her on the bed. I was too tired and stressed and there never seemed to be enough time in the day to focus on sex.

I get it. Getting in the mood for sex takes some mental gymnastics sometimes. At times I wasn't in the mood to put on a production. If my ex-wife persisted, I'd make it a lazy quicky. 15 minutes (or fewer) of dispationate trusting and then I'd flop on the couch for the rest of the night.

I don't know the solution. She and I divorced three years ago, and we never had closure on the issue. There were times after the divorce when she even brought up how much it tormented her that I never wanted her sexually.

I don't know the solution, but a lot of the guys in this thread need to learn from my mistakes. I'm remarried now, and my sex life with my wife now is good. It's still not great, but it's more healthy than my previous marriage. I still sometimes come home and make excuses not to have sex, but I try harder on the romance now.