Okay, but understand there is addictive potential so I do not recommend what cured me without a great amount of awareness and self control. Always reflect on your limits, and never do any of this with reckless abandon. Your life is worth living and there is hope.
1) I did DMT for years and it showed me what life is after death, and allowed me to understand that I need to be here. I've come to learn now that DMT is the final therapy, and though it worked in my case, DMT is a substance meant for a better world. I'll get back to this.
2) Establishing that death is inevitable but also that it shouldn't be sought after, that makes life the objective. Thing is, I hated life, but ruling death out as an option makes living the priority.
3) Since living becomes the priority, things slowly begin to change around that. I didn't know at the time, but showing what life CAN be like would have helped me tremendously in this phase. Here enters MDMA, one of the most miraculous therapeutic drugs on the planet, but very often abused.
4) MDMA therapy should begin alone, so that one can learn to love themselves, and should occur no more than 1 month separated, also using neurotoxic countermeasure vitamin routines to protect your brain. MDMA teaches you how to love yourself, but it comes with the cost of apathy for roughly 1 week, a price well worth the cost when hate is all you know. It is also poisonous to your brain, so you could literally eliminate your ability to feel joy if this substance is abused. Avoid this by establishing a plan, setting a healthy dosage, and never, EVER going above that in a single session.
5) Once things begin to stabilize and the desire to begin living to your fullest sets in, a regular "as needed" weed routine can enter, though getting the right amount of high is tricky. Weed allows processing and reflection, and also allows working through paranoia and fear.
6) After months of that situation, hallucinogenics can safely enter the mix. Hallucinogenics regenerate child like wonder and awe. They show you a new dimension to this world, and allow your mind to wander outside its normal routines and thought processes. This is where you build new habits, new routines, and learn more about yourself and the world.
7) Hallucinogenics opened my own eyes to my purpose, and I believe it can do the same for others. I imagine a world where I can heal, help, and grow, and I want to bring that world to everyone. I want to be able to safely trip in a world with peace, abundance, and love. I've been able to near completely stop all my therapeutic drug uses now powered by my quest to create a better world, in whatever small ways I can contribute with my small life. Ultimately, I want to be in a world where we can partake of ayahuasca and commune with whatever that allows you to encounter.
This is more in the realm of my personal mythology, but I believe there is life on the other side of DMT. I believe there are beings there waiting for our contact, and we cannot connect with them fully until we bring about a utopia on this world. They've shown me a world of love, of peace, of freedom and joy...and they've shown me our kind is ready for it. I want to make contact with them again when I've done all I can here.
I could talk more about this, but all of this took place over the course of about 5 years. The depression and anxiety never leaves, but I have the capacity now to utterly crush the demons that haunt me. The hallucinogenics showed me that if you are to live, then LIVE.
It's sad that illegal substances that kept me alive are taboo and condemned. It's also sad to me that which saved me and could help others would also imprison me. :( there is a lot of work that needs to happen in the world yet.
I hope I've said something helpful to you. Best of luck on your recovery :)