I push people away too. I don't think that alone is all that bad. Yes, we are social creatures and having someone to confide in does help a great deal but I think everyone will push people away at some point in their lives. Are you really pushing them away or are you just introverted? I am introverted and although I can enjoy a night out if need be, I'm perfectly content with staying at home by myself.

What is it that you are doing in your spare time? Do you have a hobby? Play video games, read, exercise? I've gathered that you do see this anger as a phase, and a transition out of it is a potential goal. Anger is something that everyone struggles with. I think primarily it's stress. There are effective stress coping mechanisms that you can utilize but you have to do a little searching. I wish I could just tell you the ones that I found and It would help but just like everything else, it boils down to you being ready to tackle this anger.

I agree that life may seem pointless at times, but if you really look, I've found that living doesn't really need a purpose. Just enjoy the act of living by itself. I try to appreciate the experiences whether they're good or bad. Whether you believe it or not, your role in society holds significant value.

With this post alone, you have reached out to various strangers and have allowed open dialogue, which has helped the development of everyone involved. I'll share a quote with you that really helped me understand the mutuality that is shared between us. “In a real sense all life is inter-related. All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be... This is the inter-related structure of reality.” (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr) I know it seems far fetched but it does have some merit. It's easy for me to tell you to "enjoy life" but I also understand the complexity of that notion.

So, with that said, all that ask is that you reconsider your wanting to exit this life. We all will go someday, but it's today that you were able to express yourself and experience your own existence along with my own. Today you existed and tomorrow you have a goal to improve your current position. That's really all life is about.