The recent post/sticky about how setting boundaries for yourself isn't about controlling the other person but about managing your own behavior, was amazingly helpful.

I recently guided my daughter through some middle school girl drama. In this case, not falling over herself to make the other person happy, but to decide what her goals for herself were, and whether her boundaries were supporting those goals.

This was tricky because I never want to put her friends down. I want my daughter to be aware that sometimes people want things from us, but we don't always have to give. Sometimes it's in our best interests not to give, for reasons that have nothing to do with the other person's demands.

Reading RBN has also helped me set really great financial boundaries for my kids. I found that I was often guilty of being upset with how much things cost, or having to buy more stuff. We are solidly middle class, so I really had no excuse. What RBN spurred me to do, is come up with a very detailed yearly budget so that I would never have to be angry or resentful about money.

I thought of every expense for the past year, and then budgeted them all in for the next year. I added in a cushion for the things I didn't remember, and another cushion for the things I truly could not anticipate. Works great. My daughter is old enough to see her spreadsheet and understand exactly how much is set aside for her. She can make decisions about what she wants, and understand how that impacts her future purchases. I give her an allowance that I never touch - I do not dictate how she may or may not spend it, and I never punish her by taking it away.

Both my kids have chores so that they can "earn" their allowance. I choose jobs that don't have to be done at a specific time, so that if they are busy with other things they can get to the chores later. But at the same time, I have it on the calendar so they know it is expected of them.

RBN has truly helped me become a better parent! I am the daughter of a FM (Fleas Mom). I have seen that even though she tried her best, and I also try my best, it takes generations to unlearn the bad habits and relearn the good ones. It is a struggle made easier by RBN, which shows me all the ways I can improve.