Story here, because all our friends are mutual, he wants to keep it a secret for a while and I have no one to talk about.
We got together when I was 20 and he 25. We are 33 and 39 now. We have had an open relationship almost since the beginning, but none of us has had many flings. I'm seldom attracted to anyone.
I love and admire him, but during the last years I have not been attracted to him. I want to make this clear: he is the person I love the most in the world. But I am not in love with him anymore, and he still is in love with him. I have known for a long time that I should end our marriage, but I didn't want to hurt him.
Cue the (not at all surprising) plot twist: One year ago I met a tourist, was immediately attracted to him and we made out all night. I kept contact with him afterwards via the internet. Nothin sexual, just chatting. I never expected to see him again.
But last week he visited my country again, so we met I real life... and it was amazing. I was happier than I had been in a very long time.
Now, I know you're all thinking "grass is always greener" etc. But that's not how the story goes. I know there isn't a chance for me to start a relationship with him, as we live in different countries. But hanging out with him made me realise that I hadn't look at my husband that way for years. I can't do for my husband what I did for this other guy, and it's not fair.
My husband is an amazing person and he deserves to be looked at that way. He deserves to have a starry-eyed person hanging on to his every word. And as long as he is in love with me, he is not going to get that.
So I told him I wanted a divorce.
I just told him I wasn't in love with him anymore (I don't think he was surprised). I didn't tell him my rationale for it because it's so cliché. I love him, and I want him to be happy, and he is never going to be really happy as long as he's with me.
It's been 6 days and today I can't stop crying. He doesn't seem to understand why I'm sad; he says this was what I wanted so I should be happy. I feel so sad and alone and scared. I've spent all my adult years with him! I don't know anything else.
Trolls, I need some words of wisdom, virtual hugs or beer. Maybe a kick on the butt. I don't know.