I think what you're describing is simply adulthood. We all cross that threshold at some point, be it through observing terrorist attacks or through something else in our personal lives.

Adulthood is a time of recognizing the imperfection or impossibility of long-held ideals, recognizing the real "whack-a-mole" presence of evil, and recognizing the existence of "Sophie's choice" type situations where it's a matter of trading off one evil with another, or justifying some means with some ends.

It is true that "War is hell," and at the same time, adulthood means recognizing that war is a necessity sometimes because it's the way to defend resources for our culture and way of life. Children are those who haven't yet realized the necessity and burden of waging war when necessary. Strong punishments are sometimes necessary, war -- figuratively and literally -- is sometimes necessary. These things are morally, spiritually, and tangibly/economically/physically costly in many ways. It's adults in societies, and especially leaders (if they're good leaders) who bear that burden.

In some ways I respect radicals -- they know what they're fighting for. We also have to know what we're fighting for, and many of us do. What's clear is that we are not fighting for the same things as radicals, and our goals are mutually exclusive in many ways. We will have to believe in our fight as much as they believe in theirs, to be able to make the right decisions.

How do we "win"? I don't think we can win in terms of getting to a good resolution. I think that "winning" involves first deciding what our values are, and then engaging in the terrible adult decisions that protect and defend those values over others. And, hoping to win just enough that it gives our way of life, our culture, our families, our prosperity, and whatever else it is that we value some more chance to exist and grow.

This is the burden of adulthood. It sucks, and it's why we thank our troops so much. Protecting everything we hold dear requires actions that are morally painful and burdening, with long-term spiritual and often tangible consequences.