Yeah! I appreciate you actually writing giving your thoughts coherently and giving reasons as to why you believe what you believe. I think that that’s actually true, it’s okay to use a slur as a joke as long as everyone knows it is. A few racists saying the n word isn’t exactly grounds for the rest of the non-crazy population to be forced into not using it.

For me personally I think that as long as you are actually using the word trap to refer to characters who are literal traps then it’s fine. But when people start calling trans characters like Lily a trap then that’s where it becomes an actual slur. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from because I’ve taken looks at both sides and I think this is just the most reasonable place to settle. It’s better than being a radical trans person and saying shit like “you can’t say trap ever even as a joke” or being a radical transphobe and say “trans people don’t exist, Lily is a trap.” The middle ground is where you should always aim.