We've already separated once. I dont feel like it relieved much pressure, both because of the betrayal that I felt during that time and the added pressures of trying to co-parent with someone who openly held me in contempt.

In some ways, I agree with you, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear. It's heartbreaking. Coming back together after separation made things easier for a while. I thought that he could begin to move forward. I want to rebuild. But I'm older than I was when we met. I'm established in a career. I know what I want and need from a partner. I'm not getting it. Haven't been getting it since years before my affair. Most days, I'm not treated with the basic level of decency that he would afford a total stranger.

I feel bad even saying these things. I'm not without fault. Aside from the obvious, I work too much, I suck in the mornings and am not as helpful as he would like, I'm on my phone too much, I come home and bitch about my day to him, I dont initiate sex more than once or twice a week, on average, I'm about 30 lbs overweight. These all seem like small things, but when he can't criticize the small irritations he has with me without getting wrapped back up into the big stuff, and when I can't express my frustrations of his shortcomings because of that big stupid thing I did, it all becomes a big, unmanageable mess.