CD 36 post MMC here. Still no AF. I have a little pain on my left side and I'm starting to get paranoid that something might be wrong. I'm not sure what my body is doing. I have days where I am like the Sahara and others where I have tons of classic Ewcm, but Opk is negative. I'm so frustrated. I have no idea where I am in my cycle, if I'm even ovulating, or where I am in it. All HPT tests are negative, but I still test every day just in case. Tonight DF and I talked about it and I shared my feelings that mentally I was ready to move on for TTC, but that my body was pulling me back by being in wtf mode. I was always pretty regular before. Not knowing what is going on is killing me. I set up an apt tomorrow with the GYN to draw betas, since they never drew them past a week after the MMC. Hubby seemed confused about what I was trying to say and seemed to think that I don't care if think too much about Rhiannon anymore. The truth is the opposite. I still have dreams every night about losing her or losing another baby. I just keep my thoughts quiet. I know that in my heart I am ready to try again, but my body is a constant reminder that I can't move on. Hubby asks every day if I have tested. I always do, and it's always negative. I know he is hopeful. He puts his hand on my tummy and likes to say there might be or will be a nugget in there soon. And I just feel sad knowing I am empty right now and haven't even had a period. I feel like if I just knew what was going on in my body I would feel better and have something to start over with. It's really tough because he always tells me to remember I'm not alone. But my body does make me feel alone. Sure, we both feel the grief from the miscarriage. But my body's reminders just kill me, and he won't ever be able to understand it. I feel held back by my own biology. The grief itself was getting better until I missed my period. And now I am just taking steps back with anxiety and uncertainty. I just wish I had some direction.