I'm coming up on a year's anniversary on a suicide attempt that was a miracle I survived. So said the Dr who treated me in the ER when I told him how much Seroquil I took.

CPTSD is a motherfucker. Depression (especially alcohol induced) is even more of a motherfucker. Sadly, 10 days of hospitalization was only a temporary fix. I wasn't done yet. I can confidently say I am now.

So what's different now and how being here on this sub is part of the healing? First and foremost, no alcohol. None. I'm glad that I'm not overcome with craving the numbing. Other than that, I'm working on adulting, and doing something (cleaning) every day. I'm committing to working on myself. My weight is only a symptom. Binge eating is part of my addictions.

Since I left my last job about a year ago (prior to the attempt, did I say it was Valentine's Day?) I have been completely isolated with the exception of clerks at stores, my mom with dementia, my brother (who is dealing with intense issues) and occasionally my next door neighbors. Nobody else. I'm lonesome. I feel unlovable. My reptilian mind knows that's unrealistic, but it's still something that I live with.

I've fairly introverted. Ten years driving a semi can do that. But I miss intelligent conversation. Truth be told (and please try not to hate on me) I was able to pull my head out of my ass and get the fuck away from the Trump cult. As the political fog was lifted, I realized that the hate is deadly. The further I am from the madness, the happier my heart is.

You guys are very cool. I'm grateful to have found this place. I'm looking forward to what being around you will bring me and hopefully I can give back as well.

TL:DR Life used to be fucked, but it's much better now. Happy to be here!