Firstly, I apologize to post negatively in here again, but I am falling apart and it doesn’t seem like anyone understands truly. So I am hoping if I can vent the whole story here, maybe someone will hear me.

I need to preface my story with a fact about myself. I’ve always wanted a family, it’s honestly all I’ve wanted out of life since I was a little boy.

For those who don’t know me, I am a single father of the sweetest little boy I’ve ever know. The last four years worth of Christmases have been a whirlwind of fuckery for me, and that’s putting it lightly. 4 years ago i was ready to have a family with someone. The next year she was married to someone else. Last year the cycle began again, I had someone new, someone preparing to have a family. Again, this person is fine and married to someone else. It seems as though everyone else is living the life I’ve always wanted and I am constantly on the outside looking in.

Over half my family is across the country, and the family that I have here with me never initiates any time together. During a holiday that has always been about family for me and time spent together, I feel completely alone and without.

And even though I have an amazing agreement and I see my son far more often than most in my situation, it still kills me to not see hmm every day when I come home. Every year I get older and I feel like I am watching my chances to have the life I have always wanted slip away. It’s 5 days till Christmas and I’m falling apart. I’m trying to keep it together and keep myself distracted, but it just weighs heavier and heavier.

I’ll be strong and happy for my son when the day comes, but every day without him until then is a battle with myself.

Again I am truly sorry for all this, I just hoped to get it all out and that maybe someone would understand.

QOTD: You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch, it’s my absolute favourite one to sing.