Tumblr at it's "finest"

Not a lot of people in my life Nobody knows this story:

I was about 18 or 19 and my friend got an apartment. His mother paid the bills and his responsibility was to go out, find a job, and start contributing on his own. Of course, he did the responsible thing and let all of his friends move in and partied every night. We knew a lot of pretty terrible people. A couple of drug dealers, some hearsay-gang affiliations, whatever. The place was a non-stop hot spot shop for drugs, alcohol, and an empty bed to fuck whichever girl you were with.

One particularly bad night, we'd all been drinking. I was homeless by choice at this point (I could have gone back home, but chose not to), and had been living on the mean suburban streets of this (then) cozy little city tucked away from the encroaching evils of the surrounding cities. I had been drinking, heavily, and smoking, also heavily.

I found myself in the kitchen, alone, staring down the barrel of a loaded handgun. It was a tiny little thing, weighed practically nothing. It was the first time I'd ever held one on my own, you know, really held one. And I'm staring down the barrel of this thing, trigger safety be damned, I was just kind of tempting it at that point. Letting my finger get heavier. Could really feel the moment.

I mean, why not, right? Things weren't going particularly well for me at that point. Some washed out addict who dropped out of the High School he peaked in 2 years earlier with no prospects or hope for anything substantial. Hadn't really showered in a while, wearing the same damn shoes for the past couple of years, walking around until my feet bleed. Sleeping outside, constantly on the move, walking, walking, day, night, walking. Eating when I could. Burning bridges so I could stay in a warm or cold place depending on the weather permitting.

So, why not?

I'd been through some shit. Stories I don't even believe myself. Almost like they happened to a completely different person. Stories I forgot. Stories I want to forget. That was a lifetime ago. I'm in a far better place than I was back then.

/r/TumblrInAction Thread Parent Link - i.redd.it