yup. Had an astonishingly rare two weeks off, when I normally work 80 hours a week. Over half of it alone together. Two morning quickies and a lot of “say, I would love to”s from me that got a smile, a nod, and the same selective amnesia that has hurt me over and over for twelve years. I can’t remember the last time we actually planned out real time to do anything complicated, but I can remember suggesting it over and over. I can also remember begging her to do one specific thing (take pictures of me or failing that start one single conversation about this) months ago, and all the days since of waiting to see if she’s finally going to step up. Have spent most of this week barely functional as I try to accept that I will have to leave the woman I want to grow old with, for both our sakes’, if she will not change. We will have to have a serious talk when she comes back from this business trip, I just can’t live like this. The worst part is she has been trying in little ways, talking a little more, showing more interest - I am so happy about that, and I want it to be enough, but she’s still obviously not engaging with the core issue and I can’t be with someone who can’t keep a simple, straightforward promise or even remember that it matters to me enough to bring it up. I have to force her to choose between being with me and hiding from her anxieties forever and I am so angry and sad to be in this position.