Those stories. Write them for the nieces, nephews, the little cousins.
I lost my husband 4 years ago. Knowing I was all that was left for the kids- even though they were all legal adults- kept me here. It doesn't hurt as bad now. I'm even happy, in love and engaged. But I still see things that bring him to mind- and when I see them a whole heck of a lot, I look for someone to help. Because it feels like he's telling me to. Last time, I helped my friend's husband. His eyes looked like mine did six months in. They had 42 days from finding out to her passing, and Roy and I had two months. And Roy shushed for a while after I listened to him.
I am both so sorry you didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her, and glad that she was full of life, so vibrant the way you describe her to the very end.
You have become, to me, at least, a recognizable name on a forum meant to be anonymous through your stories, through your love and your eloquent, heartbreaking pain that is so familiar. Enough so I decided to ramble and cry a little. Thank you, and thank you for staying. I'm so sorry to have met you in this way.