If you were my friend and you told me this.
You are not a source of pain to anyone. People have disagreements and difficulties. But if destroying everything you or I have is the reason you think you should harm yourself- you can destroy everything we have twice, thrice. However many times you need to. Just don’t take away your company from me. Because that’s the only destruction I cannot fix. I can’t fix your absence.
Depression distorts your judgement. I say this with love and respect and it is a professional opinion. In real life you would pay me money for this part of info. It’s not your sound mind. You are not thinking clearly, this is what I hate about bipolar. You want to tell me there is no cure for bipolar? Will you one day have no bipolar? No. But can you fix the ups and downs to manageable degree? Absolutely. I read your tumblr post and I applaud that you have tried everything or so it seems. But I assure you- psychiatry is not as useless as this sub sometimes thinks. It can and does fix things. But you have to keep trying.
There is a saying that doctors in Ancient Rome would say- “There is three of us: me, you and the disease. If you are on my side- together we can beat the disease. But if you are on the side of the disease- then I have very little chance of beating you two.”
And right now- OP you are completely on the side of bipolar.