am a lady and very much want to be loved for who I am, not what I am perceived to be or some role I'm supposed to take on. I fight every day not to become bitter / whatever the female version of an incel is called because I know how toxic and wrong that thinking is.

It takes a lot of courage to admit you have these thoughts. It's a never ending struggle to correct and fight against these thought patterns. It's really, really, hard, sometimes seemingly impossible, and part of why, deep down, I can't blame anyone for falling into bitterness after being trodden on, used, or profoundly alone their whole lives. The fact that you might not be enough to earn the love you always dreamt of is a bitter pill to swallow.

I'm basically your male counterpart, and after about a decade of alienation, self-hatred, auto-flagellation, suicidal depression and crippling anxiety I finally entered therapy to try to motivate myself to make the changes I need to to become someone worthy of love. Part of that is acting on the knowledge that no one is going to just reach down and pull me out of this state. I still feel like an incel just by the virtue of having these problems, which absolutely disgusts me and further fuels the self hatred, even knowing full well that it's no one's fault but my own. But now I can at least sleep at night knowing I'm putting the very little energy I have left into addressing these issues. I still can't exactly see the light at the end of the tunnel, but maybe one day I will.

Hope you can find happiness and a sense of belonging too one day. Hang in there, Liz.