I'm about to unload. I've never told the whole story to anyone, and I probably won't ever again, but I think I can over an anonymous message board. Here it goes:

When I was a kid, very young, I was molested by an older, male cousin. I thought this made me gay. I didn't want to be gay, I liked girls, but I thought what happened to me forced me to be gay (I was a kid, I really didn't understand, and I was told I'd be in trouble if I told anyone, I was scared).

A few years later, when I was 13, My mom had a cook out at our apartment complex. One of her friends came over, who I had a crush on. She was in her late 20s or early 30's I cant remember. She had tattoos, was into anime, all the stuff I was into basically, and she was really pretty. She got REALLY drunk and she was gonna stay over so she didn't have to drive. well we stayed up watching anime and playing games. When everyone was gone or asleep she came on to me. When I was reluctant, she responded " what? are you gay?" and I just let things happen thinking this would make me straight. I felt horrible afterwards. She was my moms friend, and her 17 year old boyfriend was my friend(she clearly had a liking for young guys) and I felt guilty. I also thought this confirmed that I was gay and that fucked me up for a while too( I live in the bible belt. I never told anyone that I was gay, but I've slept with more guys than I have women because of all this.) I also really hated women for a good long time. Eventually, i realized I wasn't gay, met a girl with a surprisingly similar past as my own, Fell in love and ultimately ruined the relationship because I wasn't ready to deal with all of this.

of the 2 people who I've told this story to, One believed me and said dude awesome. the other didn't believe me because I'm a fat nerd and thought it was some fucked up fantasy. I'm probably gonna delete this account now, or use it as a throw away, I'm really ashamed of all this and I don't want it traced back to me.