Ugh. Yes I know, but humor me.

NTA... here me out please... it's OK to feel hurt and maybe even angry at times. I've been in a similar position and I understand where your pain I coming from. Let me explain, I apologize if this is long. The context is important. You do need to speak to someone. Even if it's not a counselor.

I'm 46(F) and I've had two "chosen" sisters since I was 4. One, I ( I've called her Sybil) met in kindergarten and I still remember it Because she had hair past her butt and a foot injury. The principle actually carried her into the classroom lol... (it was 1981... so things have changed quite a bit) plus she had the same name as my mom which I found cool at 4. At 11, I met the other sister (Hillary) in 6th grade. My two friends were from 2 separate worlds. Hillary had money, Sybil lived in a trailer. I was right in the middle class arena. I didn't care as a kid nor do I now. They never clicked and neither liked the other (Sybil out of jealous, she's told me and is my true chosen sister to this day) Hillary came from a family that thought they were better than everyone else. I was just too naive to understand any of it. When Hillary's dad was about to be indicted for embezzling from his job, they up and moved several states away. I remained close to Hillary, took my first plane ride over holiday vacation at 14ish and every winter/Summer there after until HS graduation. Sybil and I were still great friend but she was hurt and thought I'd chosen Sybil over her. That was never the case. Sybil, had a very poor childhood and was groomed by an older man that she married straight after graduating.

Time went on. Hilary got married, I moved to her state to go to art school and was the MOH in her wedding. After about a year, I made the decision to move back home after a traumatic event and Hillary followed me home with her new husband J. He was awesome. Unfortunately we lost him in 1996 due to an accident at work. My best friend, one of the two people I cared for most was 3 months pregnant and had just lost her husband at 20 years old, he was 21. About a year later, I met my ex husband... got pregnant with my son who was born with bilateral clubbed feet. We leaned on each other. She was my support those first years while i watched my baby scream in pain from the surgeries correcting his feet so he could walk. (BTW-That kid kick his cast off at 9 months old and was walking. You wouldn't know he even had surgeries unless he takes off his socks.) I supported Hillary, held her hair when she cry herself sick over the toilet.

I think Sybil felt left out due to not being able to have children. She divorced the gross old man by then and introduced me to my ex husband and current husband lol... longer story so not gonna embellish. Hillary got remarried. To a man that once again thought he was better than everyone... nothing like her late husband and daughter's bio dad. I guess she always had a fear of being alone. I don't know. Truth is I don't even understand what actually happened. One day Hillary and I would joke about reading each other's minds then poof... she ghosted me. Just me. Not my mom, my son or dad... just me. That was 2006-2008. I haven't spoken to her in years. I have found out she drinks heavily, her husband is crazy abusive and had treated her daughter like an unwanted step child. As well as lied about getting a vasectomy, resulting her having her fourth child when I was pregnant with my DH & I's daughter. There's been substance abuse issue from both sides. I'm no saint. I'm just going into 6 year sober from an opiate addiction.

Sybil, bless her... while she annoys me at times, she is still my chosen sister. My heart still breaks over Hillary though. I've tried several olive branches with no response as of yet but I do hope she'll accept any help I can give her someday. Sybil has said that she needs to want the help for it to do any good anyway, I do agree there. The thing is, I'm still a bit hurt over being ghosted and looking back, I can see some blaring red flags that would of been useful a few decades ago.

I'm very humbled that Sybil stuck around. Today she's not just a friend. She's family. We talk daily, go to lunch often and even go to church on Sundays with my dad then a family lunch a few times a month. My point is, that you can have these feelings. However, don't let it get you down. Find someone to speak with that you trust. Then at some point, once a bit of time has passed- time does tend to mend (not fix completely) most wounds) offer an olive branch... nothing extravagant. A simple birthday card with contact info on it in case she ever needs you will suffice. The drop it. The ball is in her court now. It's nothing you've done from. What I've can see in your post. Bless you, hope that helps. I am so sorry this was so long. I wanted to give some background that explains my perspective.

/r/bridezillas Thread