Our cat passed (didn’t know anything was wrong although he was pretty old and had issues with his eyes) and only got a text from mom. Got a tooth infection that stopped me from eating for 3 days, its ok now but its triggered my anorexia again. I can’t look myself in the mirror which leaves me a bit paranoid cuz I wouldn’t know if my hair was brushed properly or if I have something on my face and the only way I can tell that I’m not clinically obese is by checking if I still fit in my clothes (size 36/S/XS so it doesn’t make sense that I’d look like a big boulder in my mirror yet I do). My Melatonin (sleep medication) was taken off insurance so I can’t sleep well since I have to compensate with my other 2 sleep medications.

Right now I just feel so alone, there’s people that I can reach out to but there’s like w wall stopping me. I did write yesterday tho but just feel so abandoned and alone, a small part of me wants to lash out at people, make them distance themselves from me so they wouldn’t be as affected if I died. It feels like I have regressed to my teens and those times were so awful that I don’t remember anything and can only piece together through old diaries, stories from friends and medical journals.