I may be odd for a woman

It is quite typical of women in general, actually, the archetypal woman is an empty vessel that holds no real feelings of her own, she is like a machine that mindlessly copies or reacts to outside stimuli, much like a robot. The typical, feminine woman is passive, just like you, and whatever emotion she thinks she has for someone or something, it just fades away with time and there is nothing left, just the emptiness and void inside that is the typical default state for a person like that.

I think it's quite normal. Many men are like that as well - unable to recognoze, cultivate and hold on to any beneficial feelings long-term, only able to reflect and react in the moment, but bringing no emotionality of their own to the situation. It is to be expected.

I can totally love a machine-like "person" like that, cause I can love anyone, regardless how "bad" or "broken" they are. This is what love is - being able to like the unlikeable. And this is why a person like me should never be with a person like you. A rock or a machine cannot suffer, they cannot experience pain. If a human being gets married to a rock or a machine like that, the rock feels nothing, how could it? It's a rock, but the person will suffer endlessly, constantly trying to figure out why the rock doesn't love him back. So the rock will say some BS like "you should get more shiny and polished, then I'll like you a little bit better" - but no, becoming a rounder, more polished rock for the other rock to enjoy better is not how a human being gets loved. If you're human, the solution is to find another human, so that the rock can find another rock. You cannot expect a woman to have her own sustained feelings, individual feelings, that she cultivated and created on her own. Most women, they simply cannot do it, so they have to do all the things you talked about - constantly evaluating how "good" the partner has to be, whether he measures up to deserve a little better treatment on this particular day only, and it's just a perversion to the commitment made.

It's okay. It is not your fault that you're more like a rock when it comes to feelings, or like a mirror that simply reflects what is happening around them but cannot create its own image no matter what. It's okay - you're simply the best that some men are able to have, ever, due to their own personal limitations in the human department. It's no one's fault that you do not have it in you to love deeply and truly. Some people are only able to like, and never able to love.