For me in my early 40’s now, I found that over years that I was not comfortable in my own skin and was trying to please everybody to compensate. If everyone liked me then that must mean that I was succeeding. However, after lots of hurt feelings and mental anguish, trying to solve this apparently complex puzzle that was making me hate myself, I realized that it was actually impossible and that I really needed to start working on making myself happy first of all.

A happier and less people-pleasing me meant better interactions and experiences with other people in general and started solving my problem on its own. Some are still bad interactions of course, but logically, knowing that I am working on myself means that others also need some kind of work themselves so I find it easier to forgive. It still hurts of course, but I stopped beating myself up over it. Learning to love myself unconditionally sounds bad to me, but I am finding that it is definitely one thing that I have needed all along. Still very much a work in progress though.