Okay, I really do understand that you mean the best... but I don't understand how breaking some shit once means that he's physically abusive. If you could elighten me to your background, perhaps I could. I have been through it before in childhood so excuse me if I'm confused... If anyone knows abuse is wrong, I do because I grew up with it every day.

I have mentioned both in the post and in my replies that he is starting individual therapy (tomorrow) and is just starting AA and been sober this week. I also said I was joining a group myself... I'm going Sat morning to an Al-Anon 3 miles away.

His mother confronted him but just said "Stop what you're doing right now". I dont find her intimidating but she scares the shit out of him. I do understand that your concern comes from a good place, but perhaps phrasing it other than what I "should do" would be more constructive. You are free to an opinion as much as I am to a choice. I also don't mean to be combative. I just want you to know that several of your suggestions are already happening and that beyond that is on me.