Unrequited Love: How did you choose to deal with it?

Hey redditors,

I’m a 28 year old gay male. I moved to San Francisco 3 years ago.

Ironically, after moving to San Francisco, my best friend in SF told me he was in love with me after a couple of weeks. I was completely shocked. I felt horrible. Not only did I feel awful that my friend was hurting -- and there was literally nothing I could do about it -- but I also moved 2,000 miles away, was working 70-80 hour weeks during tax season at a new job, and then immediately lost my best friend after a couple of weeks. I came to SF thinking I had a whole friendship base, but I knew for his sake, I was going to have to cut it off with all our mutual friends (that I met through him originally).

It’s crazy to look back on. Moving to SF was literally one of the most difficult things I had done in my life ---- and it had nothing to do with being homesick. But I became stronger. I kicked ass at my job. I grew as a person. I have made amazing new friends. And what was originally one of the most difficult times in my life has become the most challenging, exciting, and exhilarating 3 years I’ve ever experienced.

However, 3 years later, I am experiencing true unrequited love for my first time. I never really understood people who were always upset over a boy or a girl. I always hated talking my friends through those scenarios; I could never truly empathize.

I have been friends with this guy for 2 years. He is bisexual (so SF, right?) and is married to one of my other best friends. She has been supportive and understands no one can truly control their feelings. This all came out of nowhere, and it just became unbearable in the last couple of months (I don’t fucking understand the human brain).

I got drunk enough to confess my feelings for him one night. It was like coming out; I just had to get it off my chest. I had no intention of being a “homewrecker” or any expectation of him saying “I love you back.” It wasn’t about that…. It was about knowing that I was losing 2 of my best friends. It was about knowing I could never be with the first guy who has ever made me cry.

I’m in between jobs and needed to study for the CPA exams, so I went back home for the summer to try to recharge and hope this feelings would go away. I have a job lined up for the end of the summer, and I love SF with all my heart. However, I wonder if it’s always going to be tained for me. They’re always a message or a couple minute drive away.

I hear stories from friends who have told me they went through similar situations and ultimately became better friends with the other person. I just don’t see how it’s physically possible, but this is also the first time I’m feeling true, paralyzing (literally) love.

Redditors, I feel like I am trying to cling on to our friendship by a fingernail. However, I just don’t see an end result that doesn’t ultimately result in me blocking them from everything (facebook, phone, etc.).

Will you guys please share with me similar situations or heartbreaks and how you ultimately were able to deal with them? Did you have to resort to cutting the person off? Were you able to able to find a way to fend off feelings?

Sincerely -A hopeless redditor needing advice.

/r/AskReddit Thread