Two things happen when I feel horrible: I either don't mention this/say I'm fine when I'm clearly not or I swallow my pride and tell them that I'm not doing well. Where does the conversation lead to when it happens? WSO gets defensive, deflects any advice that could lead to being helpful in healing. We end up fighting for hours.
I can relate.
Every time we argue, I have to explain the severity of the consequences of what happened. It's like they can't grasp how much has changed in our relationship. They say they can't deal with the soul crushing guilt yet never do any actions that help towards healing. Countless times asking to read up on how to deal post infidelity and they decline because it hurts them. These arguments end in me comforting them and tying up loose ends.
I can also relate.