My mind is the same. It’s been acting up lately. When I relapsed I was sick as a dog the next day I woke up. It was all mental, but still the guilt added with the sweat, and the chills threw me off so hard. I was thinking how sick my mind was. because of that one slip up with weeks of sobriety my mind tried to trick me into thinking I was dope sick when I woke up. It was so foul. I was like damn I gotta score. I took my shower a hit of my vape, and when I got out I was 100%. And that shit bothers me. You know when I did dope. It was never a bad time like this. Now when fentanyl is in everything, my brain feels like it’s been weaponized against me. Like seriously I sit in autopilot. And it’s an all day fight to stay clean. I almost feel like I’m on such a autopilot by this drug that it’s like a virus. Whenever I get in bad shape health wise I kick it just to regain full strength and run back. Did I EVER WANT TO GET CLEAN.? Or did this drug need me to get clean so it’s virus like ways could still operate within me. That’s how I feel. And no one understands. Because I tell myself did I ever want to get clean cuz if I did I wouldn’t have ran back. This shit is like weaponized mind control