(Im sorry I deleted my initial response to you- I thought I maybe wrote too many details so I prefer to be safe and delete!)
It sounds like you have a great support system around you. That’s really important. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m sure your wife is a wonderful person- all of the alcoholics I have known have been truly the best people I have ever known. It’s weird.
Do you have the resources to see a family counselor? I think this would be a good setting to discuss all of your questions as a counselor can uniquely know your family situation and provide some outside unbiased support.
Wishing you the best.