I am remembering the time when we both lay in bed one morning and my x phone rings at about 4:30 am. He sleeps through the ring and I get up to see who’s calling so early. It says “nancy”. Hmmm I wake him up. Hey your phone is ringing. He looks at it and stammers some bullshit about Nancy’s father dying and she’s been upset about it.

He was a contractor and had been remodeling Nancy’s home. Little did I know, but he’d also been remodeling Nancy’s nether regions, sparkling them with his dry wall paste as it were. I found out a few months later. I told him GTFO ASAP.

Please, Get yourself a pit bull lawyer while your wife is still in love with Schmoopie. She’ll roll over because she loves him. Mine did and I got everything- the house and all it’s contents. I live in a fault state so I filed on grounds of adultery and got all the proof through the stupid schmoopies Instagram. By the time my divorce was done, I think his little relationship is over and he now is pissed off and blame shifting into me. Saying I hurt him in the divorce. Haha! That’s golden.