While I see what you’re saying, it’s clear to me you’ve never been told “Hey, because you were born this gender that you never asked to be born as, you are forever meant to be ruled over and cannot be considered married and of equal authority in your own home :)”. And also, I had the exact same attitude as you, that surely the dynamics are based on the unique couple and that following such a rigid structure is unrealistic, but complementarians LOVE the word “heretic” and saying that if your marriage is not exactly what they say it should be, then you’re just ignoring Scripture altogether. This isn’t a case of me not understanding how marriage dynamics naturally work, this is a case of being torn between two sides of theological ideology despite clearly favoring one because I fear for my immortal soul and have been poisoned with constant self-doubt and terror.

Besides, you saying this is trying to “plan the weather” for your vacation implies it is nothing you have control over. You are always in control of your dynamic with someone. Always. At least, the dynamic you have with them. But it’s not something that just happens with no thought from you. That’s the point of a dynamic. It’s dependent on what you consciously, actively bring into the relationship. Not just with your significant other, but friends or family members as well.