[Update #2] My [24F] girlfriend of 5 years and I [35M] have some issues that I don't know how to fix...

Yes, I know, I am in the same boat. My limit was +5/-5 years, if I stretch it, max -8 years gap. My current GF is approx a little less than 12 years younger than me (33 M). It just happened, I met her at a workshop. Our age difference never stopped us from having good times together. She was out of her teens, which was a good thing (i guess). The age thing became a concern after the first 3-4 months of dating - this was brought up when we were conversing something casually, it never occurred to us before that our age gap was "large".

I am not suggesting that one must enter into an age gap relationship. Since I had never experienced such a thing before, I went about researching the whole thing. We did the research together, all the issues we would possibly encounter. On the personal front, I recently learnt that my grandparents had an age gap of 14 years, which was a revelation. Society mainly questions the motive of the older partner, and rightly so, because most older men (especially men) tend to be manipulative and the power dynamics is at play. In our case, we made it a point to inform others about our relationship. Surprisingly, we didn't get any flak from our friends/some of our relatives. This may be due to differences in how our society views such relationships. The reddit forum is mostly western (read: English speaking countries) and instantly raise red flags the moment they see an age gap relationship.

As one of the them posted a comment out here "She deserves better" seems too judgemental, as if the younger partner in an age gap is wasting their youth being with an older partner. Of course it can work both ways, why should the older partner, assuming the partner doesn't enter such a relationship with ill intent, waste their time on an inexperienced younger partner. But reality is far more complicated. Ultimately it boils down to a few things like you mentioned - career, marriage and children - and yes maturity of individuals in any relationship to talk about these things.

I am aware that people are volatile in their early 20s, which is why we have chosen to continue to date. It has been a year and we are still together. We are not rushing to get married as of now, maybe 4-6 years down the line.

Wish you well OP, and from what you have posted, the woman has a big heart ...and so do you.

/r/relationships Thread Parent