The only thing I CANNOT do right now is changing my work schedule. For reasons I don't want to talk about here, I CANNOT do that. Also for financial reasons. I simply can't work less. I don't have the privilege to choose such a thing.

Get a hobby? I'm going to the gym now.

But as I mentioned before in this thread, I honestly don't feel like doing ANYTHING. No motivation at all. I feel pathetic, I feel that everything I do will be pointless now, i'll be 30 in a few months, who is going to want to be with a 30 year old virgin woman anyway? Who has patience for that anyway?

I'm too tired of searching for someone... I know everybody in here has given me great advice and I agree with you guys, I think I should be getting a hobby but try putting yourself in my shoes.

I have never had a boyfriend.

I don't know what it feels like having a guy telling me that he loves me. I don't know what it is. I never heard a guy say "do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Now try growing up with this feeling. Feeling unwanted for 15 years of your life. And try growing up searching and searching and searching for someone for 15 years.

And then nobody comes. Nothing happens.

And then you're 29 and you see nothing in your life is like you had planned when you were 18.

And now you have to search again and get a hobby again.

I have studied so many subjects and had so many extracurricular activities in my life trying to meet men, you have no idea. I've spent almost 10 years of my life doing this. It's one of the reasons why I speak 6 languages, dance tango and salsa, know how to cook, bake cakes, swim. Been trying to meet men meanwhile.

So the feeling here is : desperation. I'm desperate, numb, and sometimes I feel it's the end of the line.

I'm exhausted. Depressed. Sorry for bugging you with this, but I feel horrible right now.