3. (update) HIFW this week, after the woman with whom I share a mutual crush broke ...

(update) HIFW this week, after the woman with whom I share a mutual crush broke it off with her fiancee. So many emotions, Trolls.

A couple weeks ago I posted here about this situation. (I deleted that post after the weird / gross woman-hating brigade started to show up.) The short version is that me and this girl have been attracted to each other for nearly a year, but she's been unhappily engaged for almost three years now. We first got to know each other last fall, got to be close friends and then discovered these romantic feelings for one another. (Nothing happened - neither of us wanted any infidelity.) Since she was engaged, we agreed that it couldn't go anywhere and agreed we needed to back off. We didn't talk to one another outside of work-related stuff for about six months after that.

Recently, we reconnected and if anything those feelings were even stronger than before. We agreed that they couldn't go anywhere for now, and finally had a long talk about her relationship. She's been miserable for years and it turns out her fiancee was kind of an abusive asshole. As we talked, she admitted she didn't love him anymore and that she didn't want to marry him. The conversation seemed to help her a lot, and she said she had to tell him what she'd told me, out of fairness to him. So she did, and despite him swearing up and down (again) that he would change (again), she stuck to her guns and ended the relationship.

She's obviously got a ton of healing to do and we agreed that if something does happen with us, it won't be for a while. But man... it's like every day I wake up to a different relationship, now. She was pretty flirty and affectionate before; now she's way more distant and much less 'personal,' if that makes sense. But then she'll flirt and make sweet, cute comments about her feelings for me out of the blue, right before we don't talk at all for a few days (in contrast to talking all day, every day for the past few weeks). I know I can't expect her to have my own needs in the forefront of her mind right now, but it'd be nice if it didn't feel so volatile from day to day, or if we could at least talk about what's going on and decide how to handle this for the time being.

Last time I posted, I had a few great replies from people who had been through something similar; if any of you happen to see this again, I'd love to hear how you dealt with this part. I feel like I shouldn't really expect anything at all from her right now, but at the same time I'm not going to act like I have zero standards for how I'm treated. A man's got to have a code, after all.

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