UPDATE: Me [29 F] with my 33 [M] husband of 10 years, and I think I'm a lesbian. (Spoiler: Yes, I am)

My parents had a very complicated relationship for as long as I can remember. They never fought in front of my sister and I, but they certainly never modeled love towards each other. They were wonderful with us, but I would see my friends' parents touch each other, or call each other by nicknames, flirt, and just generally lovey. My parents did none of that. They were good friends, and that was about it.

Every couple years my mother would form a deep attachment to a female coworker, and they would be best friends for a while. For a long time, she threw herself into her work to hide her deepening unhappiness. Eventually she started to let her discontent be known -when my sister was about 13 and I was 18, she told us things like "I'd rather be at work than be home" and "is it so bad to want my own place?" I think everyone has those feelings, but when your resentment starts to feel like a thing that's okay to express to your kids...that's when they should've separated.

They didn't. They wanted to stay together and give us a stable life. They thought that it would be the best option. So my disabled dad did his best to raise us while my mom worked herself nearly to death and emotionally checked out from our family. She destroyed her relationship with my youngest sister, who needed her most in her teen years.

When my sister graduated high school, they announced to us that they would be separating. A lot of things happened around that time that were pretty negative, and are irrelevant to the topic at hand. What is relevant is that a couple years later, my mom came out of the closet, dropped her new girlfriend in our laps with no time to process their relationship, and expected my sister and I to cope perfectly.

Well, we didn't. I went through a massive existential crisis. I wouldn't be here, if it weren't for my mother living a huge lie. My entire existence is chalked up to a woman to scared or confused to be herself. No wonder she didn't love her family, she must have resented all of us so much. Lots of thinking like that. I am a huge proponent of divorcing. My sister and I agree that our parents would both be more happy and fulfilled had they divorced earlier in our lives.

OP, be true to yourself, and do it before your children are old enough to start asking those questions and blaming themselves for your lack of happiness and fulfillment. My relationship with my mother may never recover, and I would hate to see anyone else go through anything like that.

/r/relationships Thread