[UPDATE] Me [39M] with my terminally ill wife [37F] she's been having an affair.

I really don’t know why my last thread was was locked and removed but, this is an update from last night, if anyone is curious this is my original thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/38g1zy/me_39m_with_my_terminally_ill_wife_37f_shes_been/[1]

A lot has happened between last night and right now, such a short amount of time, right? This morning, I called my parents over so they can take the girls for the day (I only said I needed some time alone with my wife, did not tell them about her infidelity).

My wife was still asleep, so I cooked us some of her favorite breakfast and woke her up and told her we needed to talk in the kitchen. I could tell by her face that she was concerned, but I left our bedroom and let her get ready for the day. She eventually comes downstairs and she takes a seat next to me at the table and I tell her to eat. She says she wants to know what I want to talk about but I insist that she needs to eat something…

Then she gets aggressive and yells at me to tell her what’s the matter and then I take a deep breath and grab her hand..I tell her of my findings and that I know she has been having an affair with Tim. She immediately started crying and didn’t deny anything, which honestly I appreciated because that would have made me explode with the anger I was so trying to contain during this discussion.

Then, she started to apologized profusely saying that it never meant to harm me? I stopped her and asked her how this couldn’t harm me and our daughters if they ever found out? She stood silent, then I decided to let out what was my concerns and questions (Thanks to many people on here that helped me formulate some of these questions). I first had to ask the obvious question, why? How can you do this to me after all we have been through?

I asked her if what I was doing for her not enough? Why did she need to complicated the most complicated situation even more? She started crying again and said that they connected on an emotional level and understood exactly how she was feeling because he was going through a similar experience, and the sex was just a result of that emotional connection.

I need to be really honest reddit, it took everything in me not to just get up and leave her right there after hearing this… I simply got up, and walked into our backyard for some air so I can calm down…She started tearing up again asking me if I was going to leave her like that but I didn’t respond. After some time had passed, I came inside and I found her on the couch in the fetal position crying her eyes out.

I told her not to cry because honestly I still love my wife and it kills me that all of this is happening. I sat down and told her that I will not leave her, and I will still take care of her for the sake of our daughters. I will go above and beyond to protect them.

But, told her that as far as she is concerned, that this marriage is over. We will not be sleeping in the same bed, we will not kiss, hug, be affectionate.

I told her to view me as her care-taker rather than her husband (When I said this, I felt my body go numb). I also told her that if she had any self-respect and concern for how her daughters will view her once she passes that she will end this relationship with Tim and find a new therapy group to attend. She tearfully agreed and understood. I left to my office, which is where I have been for the past few hours…

I still don’t know how this will pan out, but I’m going to do what I need to do for my daughters during this time. I want to thank everyone for their kinds words and advice during this difficult time, I read every single comment and PM and thank you for the bottom of my heart. If there’s any news in the future, I might update.

tl;dr: I told my wife that I knew. Our marriage is over but I will still be her care-taker.

/r/relationships Thread