UPDATE: My boyfriend (27/m) gets annoyed when I (22/f) try to initiate sex. (I need your help again)

Hi, I will try to play devils advocate and try to find some kind of reason as to why he does what he does, parting from the idea that he actually has a brain and isnt just an asshole. I don't know. Maybe I provide an interesting idea, maybe not.

  • dressing up for someone might not be understood as initiating. Nor cuddling, nor just talking about sex, nor words of encouragement. He might actually wanted you to tell him "lick my pussy", the same way he told you "give me a blowjob". Could that be a possibility? He might wanted you to be assertive.
  • If you wanted to get to his "bald eagle" and he pushes you away, most probably it was because he wasn't turned on by then. Your (ex?) boyfriend does not consider massaging the shoulders as foreplay.
  • If you ask "what can I do to turn you on?" then you are actually asking him to take charge. He has to think for you and tell you what to do. He's apparently too lazy for that.
  • If he says that "he doesn't want to try", that could also be understood as if he didn't want to "do the work" anymore. It sounds to me as if he was tired of having to be assertive. Yep, lazy.
  • Your (ex?) boyfriend comes quickly? It means he was turned on long ago. You could say he did foreplay by himself. That might be why he hates "doing foreplay" with you: he doesn't want to do foreplay for both of you, if he already is ready to go. Quite selfish, I must say. But then you can understand the rest of his actions. In his mind, he thinks "I can get turned on alone, and come alone. Why cannot she do the same thing?" or "I am responsible for my orgasms. She should be responsible for hers, not I." Self centered? yes. Selfish? Yes. Lazy? Yep. Why doesn't he open his mouth and explain all of this? I don't know. Maybe it is again the same thing: he might not want to be the one to solve the problem. He is lazy. So he says: "I'll just stop caring about her and her sexual necessities. If I do that, she will have to take care of herself. And I can care about myself and be left alone". This is the thought process that I think passed through your (ex?) boyfriend's mind. To me, it is too selfish and lazy to work in a relationship.

Probably to make sex with him work, you should use his lazyness to your advantage: something like telling him that "he doesn't have to do anything", and treat him the way he treated you: be assertive and tell him to give you oral (that might not be good, because he actually has to do some work, unless you sit on his face or something.) or use him as a blow up doll and tell him that he will not have to do anything. "Just lay there, while I do my thing".

If you consider that mindset, then his attitude of finishing quickly can be seen as "being kind" in his twisted mind: he doesn't want you to do the work if it is him that wants to get off. He made the effort (quite an achievement for a lazy guy like him!) of finishing quickly, faster even than he wanted to. Quite a gentleman (?!).

Wow. I'm sorry for you, OP. I hope you find a more caring partner.

/r/relationships Thread