Update: My boyfriend (45M) uses racial slurs during sex with me (32F) and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I've been there, I hate to share this but I have, it is hard to let go of the pain and anger (mainly towards yourself) but you will get there. You will dream about him and think about this every single day for a while, but one day you will realise you didn't think about it yesterday. Suddenly you won't remember the last time you thought about it and one day you will think about the situation and you won't need to convince yourself it wasn't your fault. You will just accept it like some horrible tragedy that happened but it is ok because you survived.

In my case the hardest bit was the self blame, I don't know exactly when it got better but 2 years down the line I can tell you I don't have angry thoughts towards myself anymore, or at least not often. I once lost all my possessions in a flood, the whole relationship with my ex feels just like another tragedy out my control sort of like the flood, I had the misfortune of crossing paths with a monster and while yes i was naive, it wasn't really my fault that I wasn't prepared to deal with a psychopath that knew exactly what he was doing and started working on me since our very first interaction.

Plus you left. He must feel so emasculated in his psycho insecure head. You're free now but he will always be a slave of his sick compulsions. You can go now and look for happiness like the good hearted normal person you are, life goes on. Plus stop beating yourself about being 32 and being at your parents, you're not there because you're a deadbeat loser, you're literally recovering from a tragedy. Would you feel shitty for staying at your parents after a natural disaster? Be kind to yourself, get better and go and enjoy your 30s.

/r/relationships Thread Parent