Original Text:
My family has lived on a quiet block for several years and my 10 year old daughter had cultivated close friendships with several neighborhood kids. The relevant families on our block are:
My family, the Pattersons. We have a girl (10), who is the one who is mainly affected by this. And another girl (6)
The Smiths, who have a boy (9) and a girl (7)
The Changs, who have a boy (10 or 11)
The Johnsons, who have a boy (11) and a girl (6)
The Changs and the Smiths have lived here for a few years and like 3 years ago, my daughter became very close friends with the Chang boy and the Smith boy. The three of them spent every waking hour together. About a year ago, the Johnson family moved in and the Johnson boy started hanging out with them too. I wasn't privy to what happened, but all the sudden, my daughter (10) stopped hanging out with them. I didn't want to ask too many questions in case it was a sore subject, but I assumed the boys were getting to that age when they want to do boy stuff and don't want a girl hanging out with them while they do it so they ousted her. She still plays with the Smith girl and the Johnson girl some, but there's kind of a big age difference so they aren't as close. She spends a lot more time home alone playing video games than she ever has before.
Over the passing months, she started asking me if she could ride a different school bus (it doesn't work that way) or if I could drive her to school (I can't) because the Johnson boy is mean to her on the bus. I started asking what he was saying and it was horrifying the language he was using. Cussing and calling her a bitch, telling her to shut up and kill herself. I talked to her about different things she can do to stay away from him like sitting in a different row and walking on the other side of the street when they're coming home from school, but I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. I got some advice to go to the guidance counselor, which would be great advice if this was a random kid, but he's my next door neighbor and I have to interact with his mom on a near daily basis. Not that we're super close, but our daughters play together at least 4-5 times a week. As awkward as it would be to speak to her directly, it seems even more awkward to go behind her back and tell the guidance counselor that her kid is bullying my kid.
So I called Mrs. Smith and asked her if they had had any issues with the Johnson boy. Mrs. Smith let loose. Evidently, the Johnson boy mercilessly bullied her son, called him terrible names, and then made the Chang boy stop talking to him. The Smith boy now either stays at home or rides his bike 2 streets over to play with some other boy who is a couple grades younger--exactly what happened to my kid.
Evidently, the Johnson kid torments his own sister and the Smith girl too. Here I thought I was alone, but she was as pissed as I was. So we waited until her husband got home because he knew Mr. Johnson and we thought maybe a man to man talk might do the trick. But he said Mr. Johnson was the type of guy who would be proud to have a bully for a son and was probably encouraging the behavior in the first place. Great.
So me and Mrs. Smith are debating how to handle the situation. Mrs. Johnson was very sweet the times I've talked to her, but "hey, your kid is an insufferable bully and he's destroying the neighborhood" is a very different conversation than I've ever had to have with someone and if she has a husband who is contributing to the situation, I'm not sure how much that will get us. Mrs. Smith offered to go over and talk to her with me, but I wasn't sure if she'd feel ganged up on if we both went over there. The Chang's don't speak English, so they won't be of any help. I'm a little lost.
My own husband had the idea that the kids should band together and collectively refuse to talk to the Johnson boy if he's going to act this way. I actually thought that might be a decent idea. Losing friends might be much more incentive to change his behavior than his mom telling him to--especially if his dad isn't on board. My daughter thought the Chang boy might actually go along with this plan.
The guidance counselor option is also still on the table, even if it's awkward.
What would you do in this situation? If I should speak to her, what should I say?
tl;dr: Neighborhood bully is awful and I have no idea how to broach the subject with his mother. Help!