Update- Need help starting the conversation

Hmm I do sense that this is much more than her just being defensive about some porn usage. I would say that she’s likely to be engaging in eg webcamming or other sexplay, probably with someone specific. She may be heading into a real life hookup, though I doubt she has yet, if she is still in front of the screen.

Whatever.

The real problem is the relationship between you. Her response sounded pretty cold and antagonistic towards you. You have to sort that, probably in a row.

Unfortunately she can’t yet put her cards on the table, because she doesn’t know your reaction. So you’ll have to hint to her. How would you feel about any of those options if she was doing it openly? What would you accept, what not accept? Decide that in your own mind first. Care: If she’s doing what you wouldn’t accept, assume she won’t admit it. Judge by her attitude. You then have to demand either she stops it or she breaks up the marriage. She may indeed prefer divorce. But don’t back her into it.

If she is only doing stuff you’ll accept, get talking openly and remake the relationship on those terms. Visit the relevant reddits for advice. Do it with TLC.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread