thanks for making so many negative assumptions about me...
ok...here's some more background. my wife is a physician. her medical school + internship + residency + fellowship was 10 years long. knowing the hours and effort required to get into her field, i tried to pick up her slack. I did well in that end. I financially carried us through that 10 year period expecting that all of our hopes and dreams we had talked about for those 10 years would come through when she was done.
but guess what, during that 10 year period you pretty much do not have ANY time for vacation. so i would do my best to come up with weekend getaways for us. when the kids came along, i tried to come up with weekend getaways for the family. since we had zero vacation, you make due with what you have.
fast forward to now. she is now a partner with her private practice group. financially we should be set for life. but she has nowhere else to go from here. this is as good as it gets for her, and i think that scares her in many ways. it was not until she became a partner with her medical group that she wend stupid insane with the spending/hoarding. so we had 10 years of typical medical training difficulties. 1 good year. and now we are 7 months into mental instability. so i haven't let her walk over me for years. in fact i tried like crazy as soon as i noticed the spending skyrocket 1 month in. i had her sisters try an intervention 3 months in. so i have been on top of this fighting it from the start.
as for summer camp, my daughter is 3 years old. she won't be old enough for summer camp for 3 more years (i've already looked into that option).
sleep over at a friends for friday and saturday
since she doesn't consider a weekend getaway "a real vacation" that does nothing to help the situation. she needs a week away from the kids, and the only way she gets that is when she goes to a continuing medical education course.
Being as defeatist about your situation as you are, wont do anyone any favors.
seriously, reevaluate your perspective on this. i'm not being defeatist. my wife has internalized all of her feelings to a point where it was very difficult to get this much from her. i'm working my ass off trying to get her to open up. but since she has mental issues it is really fucking hard to get her to open up. your assumption that i am a quitter is 100% wrong and extremely offensive to me. i am here looking for advice and support as i fight this illness. that is the opposite of defeatist.
Do you not have any equality and say in your relationship?
pretty much no. she is the physician making the big bucks (and spending it as fast as it comes in). I am working a part time job so i can be a proper caregiver for my kids. if i divorce her, the most I can get in child support is about $20K. adding that to my part time salary doesn't exactly give me a huge improvement in my standard of living. If i was making the salary I was making while she was in training, it would be one thing. but we have moved around a lot during her training and there are no jobs in our current location where i can make my old salary. it was a pretty specialized field. so i'm not being defeatist, i'm just trying to avoid being foolhardy and end up worse off financially.
I have had her sisters do an intervention for her. we have done marriage counselling. i have got her to see a psychiatrist. she will now be seeing a psychologist. this is all happening because i am making it happen. does that sound like enabling to you?