So full disclosure. I'm Bisexual in attraction, essentially Asexual in behavior. It's an active choice. I have, essentially since I realized what I was as anything more than a glamorous statement in my teen years, attempted to.... I will say control that side of me.
It's for a variety of reasons. Partially, it is due to religious reasons. I can't reconcile my identity with my religious beliefs. Partially due to deeply personal ones. I'm honestly sort of uncomfortable with sex as a whole. There was a part of me that thought I might have been Trans once, but upon a great deal of Soul Searching, I think I am just deeply in touch with my "Feminine side" if I may use the term, and I view it as a crude one.
I'm ultimately quite comfortable with my Masculinity and the older I get the more that becomes the case. But I do have a deep respect and admiration for Femininity and the positive traits associated with it. I'd say the same for masculinity. My friend and I have often clashed over our views of gender. His ideal man is the stoic hero always ready to... settle disputes. Mine is Tom Bombadil. He's sort of my hero in life.
But I'm decidedly male, and I'm at peace with that.
I'm sure any number of Therapists and Psychologists would have a field day with me if we ever got the chance to truly go in depth, as I imagine I have demonstrated. A good friend of mine who I've been very blunt and straight forward with has often joked "Your poor therapist."
However, the fact remains, I've always been deeply uncomfortable about expressing my sexuality. Even openly refering to it. I'm only doing it here because this account is a throwaway with no email attached to it that I will likely delete before long.
In part, because I fear the Religious Right who would despise me for what I am.
In part, because I fear the Left who would name me a self-hating bigot for it.
From the right, the impression I have always got is "You are a monster to be destroyed."
From the left, the impression I have always got is "It's not your sexual identity. It's our sexual identity."