I found as my behavior changed for the better my family felt threatened and became more hostile and more reactive to me.
Most of my friends who had made space between us so as to limit my abuse of them, gradually warmed to me again. A few have never talked to me again. I didn't need to establish boundaries with friends who stayed.
My family has made for a turbulent ride. We all have our demons but I feel like I am the only one to have faced mine so establishing boundaries, eliminating manipulation, forgiving past misdeeds, has proven very difficult to impossible.
My 1st solution was to be firm on boundaries, tolerant of their frustrations, willing to make right past mistakes. For the years I tried this, sometimes temporarily successful but usually not, this was my most upsetting experiences.
So strategy 2 was to limit exposure by only visiting with them once in a while and being more firm about boundaries. I was careful never to be in situations I could not immediately leave, including not sharing a ride in vehicles to family events and no overnights at their place or mine. This was hit or miss but I found regardless of my best efforts, they were as a group very abusive. It is worth noting that it isn't my whole family at once, it us usually one or two (of 4 "nuclear" family members) who are acting poorly.
My final solution has been to break al contact and not talk to any of them. For two this wasn't hard, they had actually never engaged me if I wasn't in the same room as them. My mother has not called me since I stopped calling her. Our last phone conversation a couple of years ago was the straw that broke the camel's back. My brother has had to be firmly reminded twice that my phone line is not an electronic leash for him to tug as he pleases.I have had to express that sentiment twice by informing him, "I don't want a relationship with you. Do not contact me again under any circumstance." I ignored his cals for awhile, then had to tell his parole agent that he is not to contact me.
I live an hour drive from them so it isn't hard to avoid them. What I get from my freedom is peace of mind. There are no toxic people I have to contend with daily or even weekly. No gossip or shaming that I have to be frustrated about. My friends carried me until I began my own family of which my wife has been amazing! Her family makes an acceptable family for me. The true joy of being an adult is with few exceptions, you get to pick the assholes who are in your life! If you focus on being effective, you can find yourself around people who care what you have to say, even during those times you are being more sensitive than reasonable. Your feelings are ok no matter what, it is what you do with them that defines you. Good luck to you!