I’ve formed major anxiety because of my nfamily and my health is deteriorating because of it.

I didn't realize this until reading it, but u/noviceinlife is misleading us with that username! This dude's a proatlife to me atm. What you said is exactly what I did yesterday in a panic attack without thinking about it until reading this post. My palms were sweating, my thoughts were racing, I was so mad at myself for wasting two days of energy on a thirty minute visit from my Nmom and then I asked myself, "What do I need?" Duh! My anxiety had been running the ship for 2 straight days and the only thing I had chewed on in that time were my own teeth! So I finally fed myself at 5:30 pm, and after that was finally able to focus my thoughts enough to take in a podcast and bring myself back to a present mindset versus the emotional flashback/future worries cycle that was rolling through my mind. I'm still not very well. I slept about five hours. I just keep replaying the visit over and over again in my brain and am so shocked at how easily I was manipulated into agreeing to things I'd worked myself up for for months to try to avoid agreeing to. I legit am feeling as though I were raised in a religion-less cult! I've read and absorbed so much knowledge about grey rocking and boundaries and how to stand up for yourself. It was like my brain was screaming "NOOOOOO!" while my idiotic mouth blurted out yes.

I have to write this line down on an index card for the next time my brain explodes with thoughts. Just ask yourself what you need. Usually for me, it is food.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread Parent