I was eating some food at Big Kahuna
when in came a purple skinned cosplayer
I asked who? She said her name’s Luna
I piked up a knife and claimed I was a dragon slayer.
She asked me about my hobbies and endeavors
I was bashful, befuddled, and out of my element
But she was aesthetically perfect & my brain pulled levers
and I pointed to the stars and said I guarded the filaments
That made the Earth safe, that I slay monsters,
Orc, Dragon, demon, gnomes, midgets and wraith
She asked about what I had on my wall for posters?
It’s funny how in those moments how one gaffes
I stopped and came clean. She looked bemused.
“Luna, I am the Sun, the day guardian of the Earth
and you’re the protector of night, so don’t be confused
But together, my Sun and your moon, we gave birth
in time immemorial, to this life on that third rock
and while it’s a bit fuzzy in your mind, your beauty
give birth to this human flock—listen to me talk,
because, Luna, you are a purple, divine cutie.”
We walked hand in hand as I told my tale,
we went downtown and ate tacos and saw strip clubs
and all was going so well, so well… so well…
but she wanted to get, from the strippers back rubs.
I was short on cash, but I loved her fucking cosplay ass
So I grabbed a gun, I robbed a homeless man for his weed
Bammer shit it was, but, I couldn’t compete with stripper cash
So, by my hand, with moving feet, I pulled her out, me in lead.
We went into the back of my shitty, dying car
I looked her in the eye after we took our first toke
and I admired that my story wasn’t on par
and I was just an average, lonely, infatuated bloke.
She smiled and stared into my blue eyes, and said,
Hey, dude, I’m not purple, watch what I’m going to do:
She took my shirt and wiped away the purple from her hair
And said, “Dude, we’re stoned, we saw strippers, wanna just screw?”
I said, baby, maybe later, you are so damn hot,
but I want to know you first, eat some tacos and drink a brew
It’s definitely never the case that I want naught
because you’re perfect, but let’s make sure our love is true.
She took my hand, and leaned in close,
She said, wanna hear a secret? I said sure…
she moved in her hand, and said, “Got your nose!”
I knew I was definitely in love forever with her.