First off, yes, he did act poorly in multiple instances and I'd not fault you for finding them to be a crappy play partner for doing things you didn't request. But a lot of this comes down to you not enforcing your own boundaries IMO. Yes, he has a responsibility not to push your boundaries, but you also have a responsibility not to let him, which you seemed to do ok with prior to his meeting.

What happened after that made you feel ok to keep escalating things by ignoring your own concern about being spanked while bound, instead requesting to do it OTK or by ignoring already being overwhelmed and requesting he use the wand?

I'm not trying to place the blame on you, I get that things seem like a good idea at the time and subspace can mess with your head, but I just don't understand where the strong sense of enforcing limits you'd demonstrated earlier went after the break for his meeting and dinner went or why.