I have a professor I hate. And hates me. I don't know why, how, it just happened. Perhaps he didn't like me not knowing the answers to his question because I dont understand his lessons. He teaches a class I normally adore. I even took the advanced class. But in his lessons, I just don't understand anything. Normally I'm good at that subject, and understand with ease, but not with this professor. Nothing. I have to understand his whole lesson by googling everything and letting some youtube channel fill me in. I've done mediocre in the first few tests, as expected. Now for the test I had a week ago I was motivated and absolutely determined to get a good grade. After all, I love this class. I spent alot of time studying. Three times what I usually study for a test (and get a pretty good grade). I went to the test, wrote it, and had a perfect feeling about this. I check my grade online: Fail. Fucking pisses me off. Now I've just lost motivation in a general sense. I don't know what I did wrong yet, but I am just so angry with myself, with the teacher and my goddamn good feeling I had after the test. Now I got two different tests back, which I studied for as I normally do, all almost failed. Now that destroyed the remaining bit of motivation I had. I'm normally a good student. Now I'm basking in my unreasonable fear of failure, even though I can easily compensate for those grades. I feel like I let myself down, even though it's just three relatively meaningless tests. I sometimes have these reactions, but never this strong. I should be studying for other tests, but I've just started procrastinating. Just had a bad few weeks and had to let loose somewhere. Thanks for being my vent. Kinda depressed, even though my life is going relatively good. Excepting that unreasonable fear of mine. Sometimes keeps me up, and then I just hate myself for that unreasonable fear. It's kind of an eternal circle of sadness without good enough reason. Have a good day, wherever you are.