Venting: I was the one with a higher sex drive, or so I was told.

He has a history of hiding and lying about finances as well. He likes to spend money and I have tried so many times to talk him out of things and he would buy them anyways and hide it at his moms or at his friends homes. It wasn’t often and it wasn’t to the point we couldn’t pay or bills or buy food. He always came clean eventually about it. We have always been comfortable. When we first dated he tried to listen to me and accept that I could be right. Or so he acted.

I came from nothing money wise and knew what it was like to be hungry with no place to call home. His mom and dad are both hoarders and spend money like it’s nothing. I save money and hoard money. I have no problem getting rid of things. We were opposite in so many ways, but he gave me the security I never had in my life. He loved to spoil me when he could but he could still be selfish. I knew this before I married him but the good out weighed the bad. I was also madly in love with him and while it hurt at times I wouldn’t have changed anything.

Now I don’t know. He pushed me away for so long. I hurt for him though. I know him enough to know he was in hell about what he did. Or I thought I did. I’m scared though that my heart is wrong and that I’m dealing with someone I know nothing about. He is getting help. I know what I want if he is the man I think he is. If he is not that man my future is at risk and it scares me. I don’t want to waste another 14 years of my life on someone I don’t know and that cant be honest with me. I just love him so damn much and he is such a good daddy and provider. I don’t want to give up on him. I want to get stronger myself though so if this falls more to shit I can walk away and not ruin my daughter in the process by making her feel she has to choose between us.

Why does this have to be so damn hard? I fucking hate drama and it’s a storm inside me.

/r/survivinginfidelity Thread Parent