Excuse my long ass post on mobile format. You sound like my wife. She didn't come to terms with being a lesbian until she was 29. She says she never really felt attraction to men the way her straight friends would describe. She said she cared for her boyfriends, was flattered when they asked her out, and had boyfriends in order to fit in. But she spent years thinking she was cold and didn't really feel attraction or romantic feelings for anyone. She said she felt trapped and had nightmares about getting married when she was in her long term relationships. She also said dates felt like a chore and she coudn't wait for them to be over when new guys asked her out. In her mind, she did not fit into the stereotypes she had grown up around regarding gay women, and of course she always had the pressures of the hetero normative culture, like you said. There was also not a woman in her life who caught her attention enough to give her that strong "aha" moment. Thus she did not recognize her sexual orientation for what it is for a very long time. But after her last boyfriend, it just dawned on her that she would be happy to never have a boyfriend again, but she didn't want to be alone either. She started doing some introspection, and realized that there were multiple girls and women in her life who she had crushes on and had previously never realized they were crushes. She would get nervous around them. She felt compelled to make them like her and notice her. After that ephiphany, and a bunch of reading and research about coming out and lesbian relationships, she put a profile on a dating site, I found it, we chatted online a lot, and I asked her out. It wasn't long into dating that she started making comments about how she'd never felt excited to go on a date before like she was with me. When we got serious and were together for several months, she told me she was falling in love, and had never felt that way before. We have now been together for five years and married for one. I'm not saying this means you're gay too, but you're obviously not exclusively straight if a woman is making you fantasize about her. Like my wife, your life circumstances just made it such that you've gone a bit longer than the average non straight person before meeting a person of the same sex who could arouse such a strong attraction, and make you have that "aha" moment. It's not really important to put a label on it, just accept that it's a fact about yourself that there's at least one woman in this world who turns you on. Now, it appears this situation is making you realize that you may not be satisfied with life with your boyfriend. It's up to you to take the time to figure out if this is just some purely physical, lust-driven crush not worth changing your life over, or if it is indicative of some larger realization that your boyfriend doesn't make you happy. Keep in mind, most relationships lose that lust-filled honeymoon phase after ten years. Really think about how you've really felt about your boyfriend through all stages of your relationship. Only you know how you really feel about him, and if you see a happy future with him. The best course of action if that isn't the case, is to be honest with him, and let him go have the chance to find mutual love and attraction with someone else before you even think about dating a woman for real.