very f u n

Sounds about right, I have BPD and have done shit like that. I had an ex who I'm sure she had undiagnosed BPD too and it was the worse I ever had.

It sucks a lot because we have little control over our emotions and even if reason says we shouldn't behave a certain way, emotions make us act otherwise and we end up behaving like assholes. BPD sucks for people around us and also for ourselves, it's like we don't have any emotional skin and even the smallest thing can hurt us deeply. We end up living lives full of anxiety, pain and depression - always seeking something to ease our pain, whether it's with having a lot of sex, speeding, binge drinking and taking other drugs, and also self-harm.

What's most probable that she's not consciously manipulate you but her insecurity + lack of control leads her to behave in this manner. I'm not saying that it's an excuse or that you should bear her behavior for this reason.

Btw, being a douche may be working but won't last long, she's gonna find a way around. I know because I was a douche with my ex and she always found a way around and it escalated the problem to the point we were arguing every day. If you really love her, you could maybe incentive her to try get some therapy.

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