I'm so happy right now!

Those two clods of dirt have been inside my belly button for as long as I can remember (I'm in my 20s). The reason for this is mental illness. For more details, see the post I wrote in /r/suicidewatch a few years ago (my first post on this account). Back when I wrote that post, I was too ashamed to mention it, but one of the biggest things that broke me down was my inability to clean my belly button. I wanted to clean my belly button so badly, for so many years, but I was unable to do so due to my irrational fears, and I hated myself, hated my body, hated my brain for it.

A lot of things have changed since I wrote my post on /r/suicidewatch. I talked to my family about having suicidal thoughts and was finally able to go to my first appointment with a psychologist last year. I'm still in therapy at the moment.

My belly button has been feeling itchy lately, so I scratched it occasionally. When I was scratching at it today, something moved!! I was shaking with excitement. I heard that rubbing alcohol was good for cleaning belly buttons, but I was too afraid to try it in the past. The fact that something might have been dislodged gave me hope! So I gave it a try with some rubbing alcohol and some q-tips, and these two pieces of dirt came out in two pulls! It pretty much didn't hurt at all! That's saying something coming from someone with a pathological fear of pain like me.

I'm so happy right now. I feel like I'm drunk. I want to run down the street and howl like a fucking wolf.

This wasn't the solution to all of my problems. There's still a considerable amount of mud stuck onto my body. I'm also not sure if I can overcome my fears and continue to keep my belly button clean. Despite of everything, I count this as a decisive victory. For other people, this is nothing (or maybe it's simply something nasty to look at on the internet), but for me, I don't know, I don't even have the words to describe how this feels right now.

Thanks for reading all of this. I would really appreciate any practical tips on keeping my belly button clean in the future (tips that aren't too physically uncomfortable hopefully!)